Two weeks into the start of the semester

It's been two weeks since the study started. Things are getting tougher and tougher. The speed of the Japanese study is also very very fast. I wish I could get myself an electronic dictionary but I simply cannot afford one now, which cost nearly RM1000 @.@. So internet has now became my dictionary whenever I need it.

Just bought a phone for use in Japan. It is kinda expensive really, and I am planning to cut down my budget to accommodate the phone fees incurred. Ahdoi...it's really a pain. But at times when earthquakes are quite frequent in Japan, having a phone is safer. So...no choice lo. Save in my meals lo. I already lost 4kg in two weeks. Damn good punya slimming program. Eat lesser and walk everyday uphill to class =="

Tomorrow I will have a dinner with my friend's father, who is teaching in Soka University, and whom I stayed with during my trip to Japan last year. My friend will not be around though, as she is in Okinawa, so it means I will be having dinner with only her parents. Hmm, that's gona be weird. But it doesn't matter...its good to show him my appreciation for all they have done. So...free sushi for dinner tomorrow!!!

Don't ask me how Japanese food taste like. Besides the few things that I got to eat free, I never buy food at all. I just buy raw things to cook, usually only whatever that's necessary. So I never eat in any restaurants or whatever...I had no inkling of how their food is like. No money le...gota save save save...

Hopefully my future days ahead will be better hahaha.

I'm finally in Japan!

I am finally in Hachioji, Japan!!!!

It's been a long long journey. Six and a half hours by plane, and another four and a half hours by car. Actually the car trip shouldn't have taken so long...but it was Golden Week holiday in Japan, so there was a 75km long jam along Chuo Expressway. Aiyoyo...

Anyway, let's talk about my room. It is a small cosy room with a bed, wardrobe, desk, some shelf, and a balcony to dry your clothes. Foreign female students in Soka University all stay in single room, therefore I have no roommate! I also have my own space in the kitchen cabinet and my own shelf in the refrigerator. Some Malaysian seniors had kindly gathered some 2nd hand stuff for me, like bed sheets, blanket, pot, frying pan, plates, spoon and fork, clock, hangers, thumb tacks (the wall of the room can use thumb tacks to pin stuff), laundry softener and some clothes. Love them really! I need not buy so many things and really saved a lot of money.

Once I arrived in the dormitory, I went through all the things and noted down what to buy, then head out to the city to buy whatever I need. Luckily, my guarantor's wife offered to drive me and some dorm mates there...it is kinda far to walk, and too expensive to use the bus. I bought a bunch of stuff like toiletries and some food. I did not plan to eat out at all in order to save money. The dormitory mates are all very nice. And I hope things will stay that way throughout the year (you know, people change)

It is orientation week now. So been to and fro the university for a few days to get my student ID and fix the internet. One thing surprises me really, when I was in one of the university building, somebody just called out to me and say, "Mareshia no Lim Mei Kei-san desu ka?" (Are you Miss Lim Mei Kei from Malaysia?). I was really wondering how she knew my name. Later I learned that she is one of the staff at the international centre (taking care of foreign students) and the staff members there all memorised each student's face and name. Amazing!

Going to have a test for Japanese placement tomorrow. Have to study now. Keep posted!!

Last band practice....

Today April 28th is my final band practice before I leave Malaysia. Feel a bit 'mm seh dak'. Been here for 6 years plus as an active member. I love my band, I love my instrument, I love my music. Going to miss it very much when I am in Japan, definitely.

I entered FeiYang Symphonic Band on 12 December 2004. It was my Lower Six STPM year. A real struggle. Band somehow gave me my life back. I found a passion besides throwing myself endlessly in just my studies. Music became my life. Not my hobby, mind you...but my passion. I hope when I am in Japan, I will be able to pursue my music and further it. I have something I wanted to learn for a long long time. I hope in Japan I will get the chance.

Talking about Japan, there is a lot I wanted to do and need to do. Explains why I am very much looking forward to it really. Although I do feel sad to leave my country, family and great friends here, but a new life awaits and I have a lot of things I wanted to pursue. I need to get a scholarship next year for my Masters, before that need to get my supervisor Professor to accept me as a student and pass the exam to get into the Master program. Hopefully, doing Global Studies. And I am also eying another university, which is the United Nations University located in Shibuya Tokyo. Hoping to get to study a course there, though I am not sure if my university will accept credits from this course. *cross finger*

A lot of people is asking me whether I will come back or not. Well...it is a difficult question to answer. If my Masters went well, I will take up 3 years in Japan, plus my one year language. In between will I be back for holidays? Well, my parents wanted me to come back for the new year, but I need to make sure I settle everything before I return, as that period of time is the time when I need to settle my applications, payments, visa and such. Most probably will return for short holidays during CNY, and after 3 years...err...depends on what I wanted to do by then. I think those who went overseas to study before will understand my feeling...it is not easy to tell now. Although now I would like to say I will return and do my PhD locally, but I do have some other things which if I wanted to do, Malaysia doesn't offer such opportunity. So, hm, lets leave this question after 3 years ok?

I wonder how will be Band be (back to the topic) without me, and how I will be without the band....

It's been a long time

It's been a long time since I updated my blog page. I think in the coming months it will be updated more about my experiences in Japan =)

Will be heading to Hachioji, Tokyo on May 2nd 11am. It is a Malaysia public hols...so my family and some friends can come send me off. Reaching Japan Narita at about 7.10pm. I half thought I am going to find my way to the dormitory alone at night as I have no idea which seniors will be in Japan by then, but lucky me, my guarantor Mr Ozaki and family, will come all the way from Yokohama, Japan to pick me up. If you guys want to know how is the distance like, it's like coming from Seremban (Yokohama) to Kuala Lumpur (Narita Airport) to pick me up, and then driving me to Ipoh (Hachioji)...and later...back to Yokohama. Really indebted to their kindness...else I will be lost in Tokyo at night.

Currently revising back my Japanese. I think my level is now at JLPT 4 (the old one...the new one has 5 levels). Although I have taken JLPT 3 and passed it, most of it has been returned to my Japanese Sensei. Geez...really need to study back as I hope I don't need to start from scratch in Japan. There will be a placement test to determine my level before the university classes start.

There will be plenty of challenges ahead now. I have no scholarship for my first year, and no idea if I will get any for my Masters...so it's really a wait-and-see year. Hopefully, my prayers will be answered and I will be able to fulfill my own dreams of doing peace-related researches.

Fell sick...got to go now...stay tuned!

Hello...

A long time abandoned blog. Hahaha. I guessed I am a more frequent user of Facebook notes. Find it easier to just...well, type and post hahaha.

Teaching tuition temporarily as I await fate to fall upon me in another say...a month and a half time. A bit worried really...I wanted to go, but it seems there will be plenty of problems coming along to stop me, or to trouble me if I did get the offer. Financial will be one of them, probably the biggest headache of all, and health, the other. Part of me says I am not too sure if my mental health can live up to being so far away from many of my sources of support...

But truly, I was glad to be given a chance to apply. Even to apply, there is a need of countless good fortune and shoten zenjin. If it wasn't for Ikeda Sensei establishing it nearly 40 years ago, if it wasn't for my seniors and comrades in Japan going around helping me out, if it wasn't for the guarantor who sent in all my forms and monies, when he never even met me before...I won't even have a chance to send in the application. Thank you all...

I know what I wanted and why I choose such a course which many would think weird or even unsuitable. Not surprising, as people now only think of courses, degrees and such only in terms of how much money they can generate and how high up the corporate ladder can they bring you. Too bad, I am not such a money person. Satisfaction matters more to me, a sense of purpose matters more to me, doing something that can contribute to world peace like what my Mentor is doing, is my dream too.

So...I will chase after it. I hope I will make it...

Harmony in diversity

Living in a world filled with miracles
With different faces, different thoughts
But we share a common bond
With courage in our hearts, and passion in our soul
We march on hand in hand to reach our final goal

One united voice, united vision
A marvelous chord, a clearer sight
It's a perfect creation
Let our glories be shared, let the borders disappear
With faith and wisdom in our lives, we have nothing to fear

We were bound by diversities
But we will sing in harmony
For dreams, for love, for peace, for humanity
Open up your heart and sing
Let our friendship spread its wings
Soaring the eternal skies of endless springs
We are unique in diversities
But we can sing in harmony
We help, we care, we share our loves in sincerity
Pray together in a rhythm
For happiness and freedom
Together we will make this a glorious world

Although there's high and low, although it's hard to learn
We plan our steps and set our goals to bridge two different worlds
Let the mountains made low
Let the valleys be sewed
We cry a single voice of peace in eternity it echoes

*Chorus

****************

Great song. But it always want to make me cry. It always reminded me of one specific event...6.15 celebration in 2008. It was the finale song...and during the final performance day of the 6.15 event, which was held in the open air basketball court in kaikan...it rained. I seen many members came early, sat in the basketball court with their umbrellas opened, and put their palms together and chanted for the rain to stop. But it didn't. Ended up all the music groups and choir groups did not perform that day due to the fact they cannot set up the mic system because of the rain...

I am a musician. I am a gakkai musician. I entered music group because I was deeply touched by their music when I was deep in depression. It saved my life. It gave me back a life to look forward to. And I look forward to every single performance because I treasure every chance I have to go on stage and play on behalf of sensei, encouraging every single person who is listening to us.

In my nearly 5 years of playing in band...there was probably one other time that I felt so upset besides the time when we were told we will not be performing....it was when I was struggling with my technique that has been badly wrong. My conductor and sister told me I cannot perform until I manage to fix my technique, because the mistake, if left unfixed, could be detrimental to the rest of my clarinet playing years. I was in the UM library when I had this MSN conversation with her. I nearly cried there and then...feeling so lost. My only mind was to perform for the people...now that I can't...what's the point of playing music? I gave up performing that concert, until my other conductor persuaded me to continue playing...but my heart is already broken and confidence gone... But a bigger resolve came in, and the next concert that our band organised that year, I improved so much, that I was given a solo part, and all my effort was answered because I finally hit my 3.0 CGPA that semester.

During the 6.15 that night, we were asked to put down our instruments in the canteen and prepare for the finale. I remembered how I hanged on to every hope that we will be asked to pick back up our instruments and continue with our performance. How I stood, unable to stop the tears of crying band members who were so upset because her family who are none members, manage to make it all the way to kaikan that night and yet, we weren't performing. How, when we were finally asked to walk from the canteen to the basketball court (without instruments) for the finale, my tears just dropped. Every single step I took nearer to the basketball court just hurts so much. The members who have been there the whole night are unable to hear us play. I wasn't crying for myself, I was crying for them. I was crying for the fact we are unable to fulfill our mission that night. Though I tried to tell myself that the finale will be our last performance and we must sing and dance our hearts out (for your info...I hated dancing), I still can't forget the fact that I cannot play my clarinet for them...Ouch....

The song still bring back the memories. I cannot finish singing it during the Reunion...partly because I was coughing so badly, partly was because I nearly wanted to cry....

Pre and Post Graduation

Undoubtedly...I am graduating soon. Just finished my first Introduction to Peace and Humanities paper yesterday. Will have a second one tomorrow...one more next week, and a final one the week after. Officially ending 4th May 2009. Convocation in middle August.

I have attended nearly 3 interviews I guessed...and have another 3 upcoming. Looking at the newspaper with the unemployment stories around...frankly speaking it is a worrying time. I don't know how well I would fare compared to other job-seekers...what's more...with my result of a 2nd Class. Not like I am the first class students...to make things worst, I am opting for a totally different job scope from what I am doing right now. I am looking into banking, training, sales, marketing... Practically anything that will allow me my second phase learning of economics and business. Many wonder why I don't continue with MBA since I was so damn sure I will do it one day. Well, MBA in local uni require working experience la...and MBA elsewhere can burn a hole in my pocket. Unlike some people, I have to pay for my own education.

It was a time of uncertainty. Lucking chanting gives me the confidence to push on and accept nothing less than what I think is best for me. This first job after graduating must do more than just supporting my life and allowing me the freedom for kosenrufu activities...it must fulfill another mission that I will place as utmost importance...but sounded quite impossible.

This is where I got stuck. I have something in mind that I would wish to see through in the near future. But it sounded so impossible...that I don't even know how am I suppose to start..or where to start. I just know I wanted it...but geez...how? Sometimes when people begin to question me, why did you want to do that? Frankly speaking I got so tired of answering it, I began to shut up about it and not mention it anymore until one day I ALREADY got it and confirm doing it. What a sad thing la..I wished I had somebody to support me in my decision and help me see through what sources I could find to reach my goal...but too bad...I can't get anybody who will not see it any other way. A silent struggle? Yeah...I guess so. Percentage of success? No idea. I guess that was why I was pretty worried.

It is a next phase for me. Working is a learning life too. I want somewhere where I can learn and be the best. And I am looking seriously into the issue of graduate studies. Very seriously