A long time abandoned blog. Hahaha. I guessed I am a more frequent user of Facebook notes. Find it easier to just...well, type and post hahaha.
Teaching tuition temporarily as I await fate to fall upon me in another say...a month and a half time. A bit worried really...I wanted to go, but it seems there will be plenty of problems coming along to stop me, or to trouble me if I did get the offer. Financial will be one of them, probably the biggest headache of all, and health, the other. Part of me says I am not too sure if my mental health can live up to being so far away from many of my sources of support...
But truly, I was glad to be given a chance to apply. Even to apply, there is a need of countless good fortune and shoten zenjin. If it wasn't for Ikeda Sensei establishing it nearly 40 years ago, if it wasn't for my seniors and comrades in Japan going around helping me out, if it wasn't for the guarantor who sent in all my forms and monies, when he never even met me before...I won't even have a chance to send in the application. Thank you all...
I know what I wanted and why I choose such a course which many would think weird or even unsuitable. Not surprising, as people now only think of courses, degrees and such only in terms of how much money they can generate and how high up the corporate ladder can they bring you. Too bad, I am not such a money person. Satisfaction matters more to me, a sense of purpose matters more to me, doing something that can contribute to world peace like what my Mentor is doing, is my dream too.
So...I will chase after it. I hope I will make it...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Harmony in diversity
Living in a world filled with miracles
With different faces, different thoughts
But we share a common bond
With courage in our hearts, and passion in our soul
We march on hand in hand to reach our final goal
One united voice, united vision
A marvelous chord, a clearer sight
It's a perfect creation
Let our glories be shared, let the borders disappear
With faith and wisdom in our lives, we have nothing to fear
We were bound by diversities
But we will sing in harmony
For dreams, for love, for peace, for humanity
Open up your heart and sing
Let our friendship spread its wings
Soaring the eternal skies of endless springs
We are unique in diversities
But we can sing in harmony
We help, we care, we share our loves in sincerity
Pray together in a rhythm
For happiness and freedom
Together we will make this a glorious world
Although there's high and low, although it's hard to learn
We plan our steps and set our goals to bridge two different worlds
Let the mountains made low
Let the valleys be sewed
We cry a single voice of peace in eternity it echoes
*Chorus
****************
Great song. But it always want to make me cry. It always reminded me of one specific event...6.15 celebration in 2008. It was the finale song...and during the final performance day of the 6.15 event, which was held in the open air basketball court in kaikan...it rained. I seen many members came early, sat in the basketball court with their umbrellas opened, and put their palms together and chanted for the rain to stop. But it didn't. Ended up all the music groups and choir groups did not perform that day due to the fact they cannot set up the mic system because of the rain...
I am a musician. I am a gakkai musician. I entered music group because I was deeply touched by their music when I was deep in depression. It saved my life. It gave me back a life to look forward to. And I look forward to every single performance because I treasure every chance I have to go on stage and play on behalf of sensei, encouraging every single person who is listening to us.
In my nearly 5 years of playing in band...there was probably one other time that I felt so upset besides the time when we were told we will not be performing....it was when I was struggling with my technique that has been badly wrong. My conductor and sister told me I cannot perform until I manage to fix my technique, because the mistake, if left unfixed, could be detrimental to the rest of my clarinet playing years. I was in the UM library when I had this MSN conversation with her. I nearly cried there and then...feeling so lost. My only mind was to perform for the people...now that I can't...what's the point of playing music? I gave up performing that concert, until my other conductor persuaded me to continue playing...but my heart is already broken and confidence gone... But a bigger resolve came in, and the next concert that our band organised that year, I improved so much, that I was given a solo part, and all my effort was answered because I finally hit my 3.0 CGPA that semester.
During the 6.15 that night, we were asked to put down our instruments in the canteen and prepare for the finale. I remembered how I hanged on to every hope that we will be asked to pick back up our instruments and continue with our performance. How I stood, unable to stop the tears of crying band members who were so upset because her family who are none members, manage to make it all the way to kaikan that night and yet, we weren't performing. How, when we were finally asked to walk from the canteen to the basketball court (without instruments) for the finale, my tears just dropped. Every single step I took nearer to the basketball court just hurts so much. The members who have been there the whole night are unable to hear us play. I wasn't crying for myself, I was crying for them. I was crying for the fact we are unable to fulfill our mission that night. Though I tried to tell myself that the finale will be our last performance and we must sing and dance our hearts out (for your info...I hated dancing), I still can't forget the fact that I cannot play my clarinet for them...Ouch....
The song still bring back the memories. I cannot finish singing it during the Reunion...partly because I was coughing so badly, partly was because I nearly wanted to cry....
With different faces, different thoughts
But we share a common bond
With courage in our hearts, and passion in our soul
We march on hand in hand to reach our final goal
One united voice, united vision
A marvelous chord, a clearer sight
It's a perfect creation
Let our glories be shared, let the borders disappear
With faith and wisdom in our lives, we have nothing to fear
We were bound by diversities
But we will sing in harmony
For dreams, for love, for peace, for humanity
Open up your heart and sing
Let our friendship spread its wings
Soaring the eternal skies of endless springs
We are unique in diversities
But we can sing in harmony
We help, we care, we share our loves in sincerity
Pray together in a rhythm
For happiness and freedom
Together we will make this a glorious world
Although there's high and low, although it's hard to learn
We plan our steps and set our goals to bridge two different worlds
Let the mountains made low
Let the valleys be sewed
We cry a single voice of peace in eternity it echoes
*Chorus
****************
Great song. But it always want to make me cry. It always reminded me of one specific event...6.15 celebration in 2008. It was the finale song...and during the final performance day of the 6.15 event, which was held in the open air basketball court in kaikan...it rained. I seen many members came early, sat in the basketball court with their umbrellas opened, and put their palms together and chanted for the rain to stop. But it didn't. Ended up all the music groups and choir groups did not perform that day due to the fact they cannot set up the mic system because of the rain...
I am a musician. I am a gakkai musician. I entered music group because I was deeply touched by their music when I was deep in depression. It saved my life. It gave me back a life to look forward to. And I look forward to every single performance because I treasure every chance I have to go on stage and play on behalf of sensei, encouraging every single person who is listening to us.
In my nearly 5 years of playing in band...there was probably one other time that I felt so upset besides the time when we were told we will not be performing....it was when I was struggling with my technique that has been badly wrong. My conductor and sister told me I cannot perform until I manage to fix my technique, because the mistake, if left unfixed, could be detrimental to the rest of my clarinet playing years. I was in the UM library when I had this MSN conversation with her. I nearly cried there and then...feeling so lost. My only mind was to perform for the people...now that I can't...what's the point of playing music? I gave up performing that concert, until my other conductor persuaded me to continue playing...but my heart is already broken and confidence gone... But a bigger resolve came in, and the next concert that our band organised that year, I improved so much, that I was given a solo part, and all my effort was answered because I finally hit my 3.0 CGPA that semester.
During the 6.15 that night, we were asked to put down our instruments in the canteen and prepare for the finale. I remembered how I hanged on to every hope that we will be asked to pick back up our instruments and continue with our performance. How I stood, unable to stop the tears of crying band members who were so upset because her family who are none members, manage to make it all the way to kaikan that night and yet, we weren't performing. How, when we were finally asked to walk from the canteen to the basketball court (without instruments) for the finale, my tears just dropped. Every single step I took nearer to the basketball court just hurts so much. The members who have been there the whole night are unable to hear us play. I wasn't crying for myself, I was crying for them. I was crying for the fact we are unable to fulfill our mission that night. Though I tried to tell myself that the finale will be our last performance and we must sing and dance our hearts out (for your info...I hated dancing), I still can't forget the fact that I cannot play my clarinet for them...Ouch....
The song still bring back the memories. I cannot finish singing it during the Reunion...partly because I was coughing so badly, partly was because I nearly wanted to cry....
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